If Life Were Only Like it is on Facebook

Straight out of the gate, let me make one thing clear:  I have an amorous relationship with the Facebook, albeit even if it is a one-way street, there is deep affection.  I believe that any computer application that allows me to peer into other’s lives like the 1950′s “pervert in the tree, outside your window” can’t be a bad thing, can it? Seems harmless enough.  Let’s face it, people are nosy creatures.  Curiosity did kill the cat…right after it finished impregnating humanity.

"Well, at least I'm not the cat."

Now that we’re clear on why Facebook had initial success, let’s look at why it has had such staying power.  For as much as people like to snoop, other people like to “put it on display”.  I know, I know.  How can I say such a thing when we live in a time of such moderation and conservative moral values?  Next thing you know, women will be showing their “internet ankles” and children will be allowed to play at outdoor parks.

"Yeah Mom, it's umm, really cool. Where do I plug in my controller?"

Still, morals aside (exactly where I like them), I can’t help but notice that Facebook is creating a bunch of “pseudo-people”.  Honestly, either many of the people I know are taking some serious “creative license” with their Facebook accounts, or they suffer from multiple personality disorder  Give me a minute though, I want to go to the mirror and discuss this issue with Eduardo and Earl.

I’m back.  Eduardo agreed.  Earl didn’t even show.  He’s not exactly a people person, which may explain why he has exactly two friends on Facebook.  I digress.  It’s at this point where I believe a breakdown is needed to show how the lives of myself and my friends would look, if things played out exactly how “Facebook” makes them look like they happened.

My Typical Day – According to Facebook:

5:00 a.m. – First status update, because OMG, who needs sleep, right?  Well, look at that, it’s my Birthday!

5:10 a.m. – I am sharing my Birthday with 38 friends.  This social “netquirk” makes me seem less interesting and unique.  I am annoyed.

5:11 a.m – I rally.

5:12 a.m. – Potential crisis averted.

5:15 a.m. – Let all my friends know about 18 mile run, that I complete in record time,

"That remix was horrible."

though not before posting 20 links to Youtube, that makes up my complete “Uber-Sprint Playlist”.  I’m edgy like that.


7:03 a.m. – Mobile upload of me “working it” on the Starbucks Barista, still glistening from my run.

7:04 a.m. – Change my relationship status from “Single” to “It’s complicated”.

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