Another In a Long Line of First-World Problems 2


Last night, while hanging out with friends, I was introduced to the “Clik” app for my iPhone.  In the words of the app creator, it is the “amazing You tube remote that allows you to walk up to any screen with a browser, point your phone at it and instantly take control”.  Seeing as how my friend has this hooked into his home entertainment center; it was like, “Boom!”, I am the You tube video genie, selecting which music can be played, all from my cellphone.

"With a little responsibility, comes great power."

Seriously, for those people who are hardwired into their phone like Neo is to the Matrix, this app was a Godsend.  It was…at least, until a few others downloaded the app.  You see, every third Friday at my buddy Jack’s house has been deemed “Eighties Music Night”, so good or bad, we are imbibing libations to Gun’s and Rose’s “Paradise City” or “Let Your Backbone Slide” by Maestro Fresh Wes (Really, do lyrics get any better than “So many suckers on my sacroiliac, It’s like a rapsack backpack”?).

R.I.P. the music career of Maestro Fresh Wes - (October 1989 - June 1990)

Things took a turn for the Machiavellian when Tait, one member of our merry band of malcontents, decided to “unilaterally” end eighties night, via the Clik app.  One second I am “high-top deep” in the melancholic, power-ballad tones of Poison’s “Every Rose Has it’s Thorn“, when the song comes to an abrupt end, vis-a-vis Avicii’s “Levels“.  While I enjoy having my “Ear-Ports” assaulted as much as the next guy, never interrupt a man who is midway through discussing the extraordinary hotness of the eighties music video-tart.  Just saying Tait;  these women were hot, game for anything and quite obviously, as blind as the day is long.  Did you see some of the outfits these guys would wear?

The 80's Hair Band - Singlehandedly keeping Vidal Sassoon profitable.

Avicii cannot compare to these women, I don’t care how great his laser light show is.  There are only so many fist pumps he can do, before I’m once again, craving a “come-hither” look from Suzanna Hoffs, via the “Eternal Flame” video, or the sweet, feminine vulnerability of Belinda Carlisle’s “Mad About You“.

This versus...

 

...this. Sorry Avicii, no contest. Besides, I'm sucker for giant hoop earrings.

 

 

 

 

 

Tait’s decision sparked an all out “Clik War”, with Jack and Regan joining in, most songs being sampled for about ten seconds, until somebody else came up with another selection.  It was like a video yard-sale, though not in a good way.  In the end,  the whole thing, if compiled would have looked a lot like Eric Prydz’s “Call on Me” video.  While there is no arguing the “lyrical genius” of this song, I can’t help but feel as though the visuals are just a touch “overt”.

In the end, none of us were really getting our own way.  As much as we could have taken the mature route…the moral high road; instead each of us chose to find a more ridiculous song in which to “one-up” the other.  I think we maxed out somewhere between Milli Vanilli’s “Blame it on the Rain” and Justin Beiber’s…well anything by Justin Beiber is too much.  Not that the kid isn’t talented.  In the words of my friend Cory, upon first hearing Justin Bieber on the radio, “I really like this chick’s voice”.  I waited about two seconds to break it to him that those sultry tones were coming from a pubescent, Emo kid.  Thanks for the good times, Justin.

Still, androgynous vocal talent aside, this event left me thinking that I now wholeheartedly see this as a legitimate, first-world problem – Which soundtrack will take us into the future?


About Curt Incognito

Curt Incognito is a writer of marginal talent, focusing on low-brow humour. When he is not writing, he spends much of his time collecting wrong phone numbers from women who, at the time wished they'd remembered their pepper spray. He also loves kittens, a quality Demi Moore film and spending time pursuing his PHD in pig latin from the University School of Universities International.


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2 thoughts on “Another In a Long Line of First-World Problems

  • Tim Clark

    Some classics listed there…. however I am not sure why you feel anything by Milli Vanilli is “ridiculous” … Cruised around in my ’77 Chev Monza with “Blame it on the Rain” cranked with a passenger named Melanie and she loved it… just sayin

    • Curt Incognito Post author

      Awesome story Tim. Just out of curiousity, was Melanie home-schooled? I mean, it would’ve taken a real “worldly” girl to fend off the charms of Milli and the Monza…